


Senju Tobirama remembers his childhood and the people who shaped it

by kxmina



Series: Children of the warring states [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Albino Discrimination, Albino Tobirama Senju, Butsuma should be a warning on his own, Child deaths in later chapter, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other, Physical and Mental Abuse, Survivor Guilt, Tobirama loves his brothers, Violence/death in later chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxmina/pseuds/kxmina
Summary: Tobirama Senju's childhood was shaped by those around him, for the better and worse.Or where we delve into the most important moments of Tobirama's childhood
Relationships: Senju Butsuma & Senju Hashirama, Senju Butsuma & Senju Itama, Senju Butsuma & Senju Kawarama, Senju Butsuma & Senju Tobirama, Senju Hashirama & Senju Tobirama, Senju Itama & Senju Hashirama, Senju Itama & Senju Tobirama, Senju Kawarama & Senju Tobirama, Senju Tobirama & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Children of the warring states [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978636
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	1. i. Mother dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama Senju's childhood was shaped by those around him, for the better and worse.  
> Or where we delve into the most important moments of Tobirama's childhood

His mother died before his second birthday, taken violently and quickly from a sickness that no medic could figure out. As Tobirama grew he heard more and more rumors and whispers about her sudden death. The most common whisper was that Butsuma poisoned her because she only gave him one son and then a demon. That her womb was cursed and Butsuma needed more children that she couldn’t provide. Hashirama denied all of it, stating their father was never a good man but he would never poison his Hatake wife. Tobirama never questioned his elder brother for fear of hurting him. When Tobirama turned nine, however, the same sickness cut through their cousin, who had recently been accused of being pregnant with a child other than her husbands, that the two brothers learned the truth.

He remembers Hashirama’s face when they found the poison in their father’s study, the cracking of the wood as Hashirama’s knuckles turning white. The flaring of Chakra that made Tobirama fall over after all his years of training as a sensor. Hashirama’s face would forever be stuck in his mind, his brother’s usually warm brown eyes turning colder than ice.

Ironically enough while Hashirama’s face would forever be stuck in his mind, Tobirama can’t seem to remember what his mother looked like. He can’t remember his mother's face, her eyes, her hair, her smile. He remembers nothing, every memory that had her was replaced with a blank face.

He remembers asking Hashirama two years after her death, he remembers his brother's face looking at him with sorrow and regret. It makes Tobirama’s gut churn and he tries to run away after muttering out a sorry. Hashirama stops him and drags him to the koi pond that Tobirama loves so much. It's by the smooth peaceful chakra of the water that Hashirama finally speaks in a soft voice. Hashirama tells him that their mother looked just like him, she had long flowing white hair and red eyes that crinkled when she smiled. He refused to believe that she was cursed like him, a woman like that was not a demon-like he was. When he told his brother that Hashirama grabbed him and started sobbing into his yukata. It wasn’t until later that he noticed that both of their Yukata’s were wet with tears, not just Tobirama’s baby blue one.

Tobirama never really truly believes his brother’s words, even when Hashirama makes him promise that he will no longer think he is a demon. He may not remember her face or her hair or even her eyes, but he remembers her pure chakra. Pure chakra that couldn’t ever be linked to a demon like him. Her chakra was full of happiness and love and was a pure white light that shined brighter than the sun. It covered him with warmth when all the other chakras were cold and harsh. 

When he was born he remembers the cold cutting chakra of the nurse, the red hot burning of his fathers surrounding him causing him to cry out in pain. Then he remembers his mother's white chakra coming in and holding him close, protecting him from the outside world that wishes to harm them. 

Even as he grew she still held him close, protecting him with her own chakra. He remembers her whispering in his ears as she held him tight, _“You are my son, my son, even if he says you are not his you are still mine. You’re mine and I will protect you with my life, you and Hashirama are my light Tobirama, my light.”_

She was too pure to be a demon-like him, to be kind to be drenched in blood like him, to be happy to be cursed with the mock Sharingan eyes like him. So even when his brother cried and sobbed into his shoulders, Tobirama refused to believe that she looked like him. 

Someone so pure couldn’t be as dark as he was. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is a little of a mess but I wanted to establish a sort of timeline and my head-canons of the Senju Family that I'm going to use because I don't want to even try and figure out what is canon.  
> Because the timeline of naruto is more tangled than the headphones left in my backpack, I’m doing the ages that make sense to me. Tobirama and Hashirama share the same mother, Hashirama is three years older than Tobirama. Itama and Kawarama are from the second wife of Butsuma, Kawarama is 2 and a half years younger than Tobirama, so he is six and a half years younger than Hashirama. Then lastly Itama is four years younger than Kawarama, so he is six years younger than Tobirama and a full ten years younger than Hashirama. I know my ages are a lot more spread out than canon, but I feel like this makes more sense if you are in a literal war constantly against not only the Uchiha but all of their allies.  
> If you don’t like please for the love of everything good do not put a comment about not liking it. Don’t say anything, I really don’t wanna hear about how I messed up the ages and the timeline.  
> Also Tobirama to me is an albino, and Idk about genetics but Itama is half-albino(let me live pls)


	2. ii. Hashirama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama disagrees with how his clan treats Tobirama

Tobirama has been blessed with the skills of a sensor since his birth. Born an albino Tobirama's eyesight was never great, so instead of memorizing facial features, he instead memorizes chakra signatures. He remembers the red-hot chakra of his father and the horrified dark chakras of the midwives. All of them digging into his skin like claws, he only felt relief when his mother brought him into her arms. Letting her warm bright chakra surround her son, soothing him to babble. He tries to reach out towards her but his weak arms fumble, he feels her chakra flare out in joy as something warm surrounds his hand. 

Soon enough it is gone, like anything else good in Tobirama’s life.He feels his father send out a wave of chakra that is laced with anger and malice. It makes Tobirama start to cry again as he tries to burrow closer to his mother. Before long Tobirama is yanked out of his dear heaven and given to a nurse that makes his skin prickle.He feels his mother’s chakra cry out to him as Tobirama is brought further and further away from them. The nurse leaves a cold and hungry Tobirama in an empty room far away from the main household.

Tobirama remembers being cold and lonely for hours, he cried and cried until he lost his voice. He tried diligently looking for his mother's Chakra again, but when he did she was surrounded by the red-hot chakra. Her chakra peaking out in bursts of sadness and pain. Fat tears leak from his blood-red eyes and he already wishes he didn’t have this curse. 

It was later in the night when he no longer had tears leaking from his eyes and his bellyached with hunger, a bright chakra entered the room. The chakra wasn’t the dark like the midwives, cold and harsh when they came near him. It was silky and pleasant like his mothers, but instead of her blues, it was a pale green. It pulsed with power and emotion as it picked him up and grasped him for hours. Tobirama doesn’t recall a time since then that he felt that warm.

That light chakra would eventually get a name when he could hear, he was Hashirama, his elder brother. Hashirama becomes a constant in Tobirama’s life as Butsuma seems to make it his goal to keep the mother and son separated.The elders told him later on that it was so that the next children she bore weren't cursed like him. It did nothing they said, as she gave birth to two more stillborns and her last pregnancy ended when she died.

His brother’s chakra becomes an anchor for Tobirama, making him feel warm and loved. Hashirama holds him tightly some nights, covering Tobirama with his light green chakra so that not a hint of light blue chakra is seen. It's those nights that Hashirama chants into his ears,  _ “You are my brother, my brother. You are not that demon that they think you are, you are my brother and they will not take you away from me. You are my brother.” _

Even as Tobirama ages and so does Hashirama they still spend their nights together in Hashirama’s room. Huddled together in a corner, clutching on to each other's shirts in the comfort that they are still there and not in the mud on some battlefield far away. Even as Butsuma takes a new wife, and they gain a new brother, Hashirama makes sure that there is room for Tobirama in their pile. When Tobirama voices that they shouldn’t be so close to a demon like him. Hashirama still pulls him in to lay with Kawarama and questions him where he got such an idea. 

Tobirama doesn’t crack when his brother interrogates him, a byproduct of Butsuma’s teaching he guesses. Ultimately, it's not him that cracks, but Kawarama who ultimately informs their eldest brother. Kawarama, who is barely four and scarcely understands the hatred towards Tobirama. He tells Hashirama how his mother was speaking to her ladies-in-waiting the other day about how she wishes Butsuma kept the white demon away from her son and Hashirama. That Tobirama will only bring death and misfortune to them and the Senju clan.

Hashirama’s face becomes indifferent after Kawarama finishes, glaring at Tobirama as he tries getting up. Tobirama informs his brother that their step-mother means no harm, that she is merely trying to preserve their family.Hashirama responds Tobirama is also their family then quickly leaves after telling Kawarama to make sure Tobirama stays in the room. 

Hashirama returns an hour later and Tobirama tells him that he should have left it alone. It's after Hashirama got into bed with them all that he finally responded with “You are my brother, of course, it matters.”

Tobirama can’t sleep that night, overcome with an acidic taste in his mouth. His brothers say nothing else that night, but Hashirama’s chakra turns dark green as it flares out all night long.

  
  



	3. Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama remembers when Itama was born

Their father remarries a month after their mother dies, their new mother is a daughter of a rich clan in the land of waves. She is barely sixteen when she gets to the compound and looks more like an older cousin of the brothers than a wife. When she mutters her vows, she is shaking, sending her chakra in waves of fear. Her chakra is colored like the koi ponds behind their house and Tobirama finds comfort in it. Anything else about the wedding Tobirama doesn’t remember much of it. He was still mourning the death of his mother, and a medic had finally fully healed Tobirama’s eyes. He could finally see properly now, but everyone was still blobs and everything was too bright. 

Neither Tobirama or Hashirama sees much of their new stepmother until a month after the wedding. It's when she enters the gardens for the first time that they meet her. She limps towards the koi pond with her gaggle of maids and ladies-in-waiting behind her. All of them whispering and giggling as they sit and eat while they watch the fish swim in the pond in front of them. Their stepmother has her feet in the water, blue eyes trained on the ripples that she causes. 

Tobirama and Hashirama are training not too far away from them and for the first time, he actually sees what she looks like without her being all blurry and foggy. She has white hair like his, it cascades down to her waist and it flows in the wind like the water by her feet. She has sky-blue eyes that glitter in the light and crinkle when she hears something funny. Tobirama thinks she is very pretty, just as pretty as their mother. 

Hashirama stops when he notices his brother staring at her and smiles down at Tobirama. He says she is here to become a new mother to them and a mother to their future siblings. Tobirama remembers asking if she was replacing her mother, that's what he overheard some elders say the day of the wedding. Hashirama blanches when the words stumble out of Tobirama’s mouth, knuckles turning white when Tobirama tells him it was the elders who said that to him. 

Hashirama jerks him by the hand to one of the flowerbeds close to them, ignoring the complaints of their teacher. His brother brings a dying flower into his hands and infuses his hands with his light green chakra. Hashirama tells him that their new stepmother was sent by their mother to take care of her sons and the future sons of Butsuma that he brings to this earth. He looks at Tobirama in his eyes, brown meeting red when he says that she is not replacing mother.

Tobirama is not convinced, he heard the elders' voices talking about how the girl was because their mother couldn’t do her job and needed to be replaced. He doesn’t voice his thoughts, however, and his brother looks sad and angry after their talk. Tobirama doesn’t want to be the cause of his brother's sadness or distress. 

Eight months go by and their stepmother gives birth to Kawarama, then another four years until she gives birth again. Throughout the whole time Tobirama never truly speaks to his stepmom. They interact during social events, but he is never treated like Kawarama by her or even like Hashirama. She always holds Kawarama close to her during dinners and family meetings that they are allowed to be at. She kisses Hashirama on his forehead and wishes that he will come home safe when their father sends him out on a mission. When Tobirama leaves two days later for a mission in the Northern lands in the snow, she doesn’t even show up. In public events that they do have to interact, she draws him in for a quick hug. Quickly pushing him away and keeping him at arm's length for the rest of the night. She whispers about Tobirama with her friends and maids, saying he is a curse. She even continues after Hashirama talks to her after that night, but Tobirama says nothing. 

It's a month after Hashirama talks with her and Tobirama fears that somehow their relationship is worse. Now instead of speaking harsh words behind his back with the company of her ladies and maids, she voices it right to his face. Some days she even goes out of her way to encounter him, spitting harsh words at him and accusing him of the misfortunes that plague the Senjus. 

She finds joy in that Hashirama has been gone for the previous week on a mission that he would be on for another two weeks at least. Her enjoyment is cut short as five days in she went into labor with her second son. It is also on the fifth day that Kawarama is cut by a kunai by their father. An event that she spent yelling at him for hurting her son, even though he was nowhere near the training fields. It wasn’t his father that ended up stopping her from the harsh words that spew like acid from her mouth. No, it is her water breaking.

She is in labor for the next twelve hours, twelve hours of him being forced to listen to her screaming by his father. When it is finally over he watches as Butsuma and two of the elders enter the room. They crowd over the babe and whisper to each other, and the two elders keep on looking out at him. Tobirama keeps his eyes on his hands, wringing them together as the cold chakra cuts into him. He expects his father’s chakra to join the elders in cutting him down. It doesn’t. Instead, he feels his father's chakra targeting the clear blue chakra in the back of the room. His stepmother.

Tobirama doesn’t care about the cold glares of the elders that make him fidget, his red eyes shoot up to look at his father. Butsuma beckons him in, and Tobirama stumbles and trips over his feet as he runs towards his father. When he finally sees the babe Tobirama understands the reason for the elders' gaze, the reason for his father's hate. Tobirama almost thinks it's karma, a punishment sent by the spirits who have witnessed his suffering and punished her for treating him like they do. 

Tobirama hastily forces the thought out of his head. She may have treated him harshly, but so had his father, so had the elders. It was no more her fault than theirs, and even if it was his younger brother doesn’t deserve to be punished for crimes that are not his own. No matter how harsh and cold she treated him, Itama didn’t deserve this. Itama doesn’t deserve being half of a demon, not like Tobirama. The spirits don’t seem to listen to Tobirama, as Itama is born half albino, half white with red eyes and his father’s anger tenfold more than when he was born. 

Itama is taken by a nurse to an abandoned wing of the house, like Tobirama was seven years ago. This time Tobirama can hear the reason why. Butsuma tells his wife that the child is cursed and they must test if he is bringing ruin and destruction to their clan. Tobirama wants to scream at his father as the nurse picks up his younger brother with a look of disgust. He wants to scream that Itama won’t ever bring ruin to them, that he is only a babe. Tobirama wants to tell them all that he is plaguing them, he caused all of it, it's all his fault. 

The words never come out, it's like his lips are sealed with chakra string as the babe gets farther and farther away from them. His lips are sealed when his father says if it survives until the next morning it is allowed to live with them as his son. His lips are sealed as the elders flow out of the room along with the ladies and maids. His lips are sealed as Butsuma advises him to wait outside of the room for him. 

His lips are sealed and he hears her crying out for her son as Butsuma beats her for her crime. He sits for three hours outside as his father beats his stepmother, the whole time his nails dig into his palm until it bleeds. He feels dirty as his father finally exits with bloody knuckles. His father beckons him and the whole time he talks Tobirama keeps his eyes on the bottom of Butsuma’s Yukata that has spots of blood. His stomach turns and mouth dries as Butsuma continues to walk like nothing ever happened. 

Butsuma leaves ten minutes later to meet Hashirama on a battlefield against the Samurai. He tells Tobirama to continue training with Kawarama when he wakes, he says nothing about the babe. Tobirama watches as his father gets into his armor then walks with him to the front of the compound to assemble his team. Butsuma gives Tobirama a nod as he leaves, ordering him not to baby his brother like the idiot tutors from his mother’s clan. 

His hands shake as he slowly walks back to the main house. He directs his eyes downwards as he walks past the rest of his clan, ignoring their stares. The house is completely silent as he enters, he doesn’t encounter a soul until he passes his stepmother's room. Tobirama peers in as he passes by to see maids and a medic healing his stepmother as her ladies-in-waiting stand by the wall looking at her in horror. Her eyes lock onto his, but Tobirama doesn’t give her more than a moment as he rushes past the wretched room. He continues to where Kawarama is being healed and the feeling of dread grows in his stomach as he is informed his brother will be awake tomorrow. 

It's not the safety or health of Kawarama that troubles Tobirama, it's the babe. Hashirama is days away from home. His kindness is not here to save the baby like Tobirama was saved seven years ago. Tobirama is not his elder brother. He does not have Hashirama’s kindness or happiness. He’s not Hashirama, but he is the reason for Itama’s curse. He is the reason why his youngest brother is all alone in a cold room, starving, and most likely crying out. Unable to stop himself he leaves Kawarama’s room to the cursed room with a warm bottle of milk and a small blue-grey blanket in his arms.

When he steps in, he almost assumes the worst. The babe's chakra is flickering like the dead men on the battlefield that Tobirama has almost become accustomed to. His lips are blue and his body is as cold as snow as Tobirama picks him up. Tears drip down onto the babe, rolling down to the hard floor. He's crying, now sobbing with great heaves. Tobirama can’t remember the last time he truly cried, but here he is. 

He brings Itama close to his chest as he scoots back against the wall, hand shaking as he starts poking the babe with his own pale fingers. Slotted in the corner of the room he sits for what seems like hours trying to get Itama to respond. The small babe never moves, and Topbirama’s chest starts shaking more and more. Not trusting himself, he brings the babe close to his chest as he tries stifling a sob. His fingers shake too much and the pathetic noise escapes from his mouth making him panic even more. Leaning forwards, he brings his head towards the babe, his brother, his innocent brother. It merely makes Tobirama sob more, at this point he doesn’t care if someone overhears him, he deserves to be punished. He deserves whatever harsh punishment his father would give him, he caused this after all. He doesn’t deserve to live if his baby brother dies from his mistakes.

It seems the spirits heed his plea, Itama wriggles in front of him shifting his two pudgy hands to his head in displeasure. Wide red eyes watch as Itama’s lip juts out into a pout. It's later when he is told by Hashirama that Itama’s pout is undoubtedly the same as Tobirama’s. Choked laughs inch their way out of Tobirama’s mouth and many more follow it. He straightens his back as sits up, muttering thanks to whatever higher power that is out there watching Itama. 

Wiping the countless tears out of his eyes, Tobirama looks at Itama clearly for the first time. Tobirama gains his bearings fully for the first time in his cursed life. He’s not letting his little brother die from his mistakes. Clenching his fists then releasing, Tobirama stops shaking as he reaches over to snatch the bottle. Heavy breathing even out and he channels his chakra in his body to produce heat that the babe leeches onto. As Itama greedily drinks from the bottle, Tobirama makes a promise. He may have a cursed life, but he will do whatever he can so that his family, his loved ones, will never suffer from his sin. 

_ His sin _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guyyyss!! so quick little note, Im thinking of updating every Friday that I can, it might get a little wacky towards middle of November and finals, but I plan to update reg on Fridays.  
> Also this ones a little longer than usually and I'm really proud of it, next chapter is connected to this one, but after that we are into the war people. Lets get it!


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